White Shadows
by Draconian Elflord
Summary: YYH characters speak thier mind. Monolouges for almost all of the main characters. Takes place during the tournament. Angsty at some points, but balanced. Rating for light language. I hope its not OOC . . . please R+R, but please don't be cruel.


Elflord: Must I say it? I suppose I must. I do not own YYH. Don't own Kurama. Don't own Hiei. Don't own Yusuke. Don't own Genkai. Don't own any character of YYH at all. How many times must I reiterate it? I DON'T OWN YYH!!! That is all I have to say . . . save for several author's notes you shall find below. READ THEM!  
  
1st A/N: I am not a plot fanatic. I do not tie myself invariably to the plot. I keep the parts that I believe support the fic itself, and then do some rewriting of other parts according to my own interpretation.  
  
2nd A/N: This takes place during the Dark Tournament, that part of the series.  
  
3rd A/N: Look, I hope these aren't OOC, but you may have to give me a break on Shizuru's; development of her character is rather thin. Please tell me if they are OOC, but please don't flame me. There are ways to say what you mean in a way that isn't meant to crush an ego. Besides, if you do, I will pity you as a narrow-minded person who doesn't know how to express their emotions correctly. So, I wouldn't flame if I were you.  
  
White Shadows  
  
~~~~~  
  
Humility . . . that is the underlying key to oneness. Vanity will be the downfall of those who are foolish. Accept that you make mistakes and you will make peace with the world. Forget it and you are destined for defeat.  
  
I should know of humility. My whole life has been based upon the virtue. The generosity of others has saved me time and time again.  
  
After all, it is not easy being a refugee from another world.  
  
For so long, life was farce for me, pretending to be what I was not.  
  
Honesty, perhaps, is the greatest virtue of all. To thine ownself be true.  
  
Humans . . . either they're way in left field or right on the money. They are a young race, and so very careless, that sometimes I wonder how they've survived. And yet some of them . . . my teammates, say.  
  
Yusuke . . . so often, he leaps before he looks, and yet he's still alive. Somehow or another, through each and every situation he encounters, he get out of it wiser, stronger, that much closer on his quest to maturity. He is young enough now . . . fifteen, as I remember. I cannot wonder what sort of man he shall be when he has had some time in which to grow, but I hope to see someday.  
  
Kuwabara . . . quite a dim oaf, yes . . . but I cannot help but feel that his foolishness is perhaps part of his charm. Though, by any means, his planning skills are rather poor, one cannot admire his sensitivity. Either way, he is very effective comic relief, and that in itself is worth having as a friend.  
  
Humans . . . perhaps, if for more of the like, their race is not damned as I once thought.  
  
As for me, I am simply a quiet observer.  
  
After all, as Toiya said . . . I am quite old.  
  
I have a little time to wait . . .  
  
~Kurama  
  
~~~~~  
  
Life's not always all they are cracked up for. Who would have thought the fiercest of the Makai would go soft after so long?  
  
And now take a look at me. Already I've fought with and saved human beings.  
  
Urameshi . . . such a frigging idiot. But I can't deny, I can relate to him sometimes.  
  
Just like he, I was misunderstood.  
  
And who can deny it? Even in the world of demons, I am outcast. Taboo it is, male son of Ice Apparition. Fire and Ice . . . such a mix. Even I do not know how it was possible. Perhaps that is why she let me off the cliff. They would have killed me certainly.  
  
Just like he, rage filled my heart absolutely.  
  
Can you imagine, being shunned by your own race? That's how I survived. The older I grew, then just at my prime, I could feel the fires of rage coursing through me. There's no guessing how many lives I ended so senselessly. I didn't care. Anger was all I knew. It is all I have ever known.  
  
I don't blame myself. There are times, though they are few, when perhaps hate is justified.  
  
And believe me, I had a reason.  
  
My mother was dead. I barely ever knew her.  
  
But at the time, I had more important things to think about. . .  
  
Sister . . . it's incredible you don't know.  
  
And now I'm here. Things don't always turn out the way you plan.  
  
There's no way of knowing what the future holds for me. Even my Jagan cannot see the future.  
  
But then, what is life without uncertainty? . . .  
  
~Hiei  
  
~~~~~  
  
Guys like me don't get too many breaks. Truth be told, I oughta be dead plenty times over. But then again, I always was a lucky bastard.  
  
Still, incredible all the things that happened. Sounds like a fairy tale. Guy gets killed, cracked this crazy deal, miraculously returns, makes it through a competition where he nearly get killed like a hundred times, spends an excruciating six months with an old hag, rescues his new girlfriend along with the rest of the world from these four crazy Beasts in with the help of some very unexpected friends, somehow rescues an ice apparition, gets looped into a death threat for this dumb tournament on some island, and now has nearly been killed about a thousand more times in the said tournament.  
  
Like I said, I'm one lucky bastard.  
  
But, y'know, looking back on it all, I gotta admit, it's been a rush. Not everyone gets this chance, I mean. Actually, I wonder if anyone's ever got the chance. Doubt it.  
  
Who would've thought a son-of-a-bitch like me would be responsible for all this. I'm not exactly the hero type, you know.  
  
But you know what the weird thing is? For my whole damn life, I WAS just a son of a bitch. Just banging around, picking fights, being a regular punk. And then, somewhere along the line . . . something started meaning a little more than all that.  
  
Something started to mean something more. Keiko means something. Boton and Koenma mean something. Kurama and Hiei mean something. Kuwabara means something. Hell, that old hag means something. Maybe even I mean something now.  
  
Weird, how things change on ya . . .  
  
~Yusuke  
  
~~~~~  
  
And this is the future . . . huh! Makes one glad to be old.  
  
Dumb kid. Doesn't he realize what he's up against here? Wouldn't bet on it.  
  
Well, anyway, at least he's brighter than the big one. That's very not saying much. Both of them could win a Moron Contest. Just a question who'd get silver and gold.  
  
Eh . . . just a crotchety old woman. Even if I can still kick up heels, it's nowhere near like I used to. Tough as I am, Arthritis stating to get at me. Probably be nasty without it too. Always a bit of ass, I was.  
  
I have to admit it; I didn't think he'd turn out. Sure, dim as a ditch, but when he gets in gear! Never saw anyone fight quite like that. Almost even killed me a couple times when I pissed him off. And not even at his prime yet. He's still got a little way to grow, I 'spose.  
  
And no one can deny it; he's got this team in a shape. It's almost comical, seeing Hiei and Kurama, a pair of respectable demons if I ever saw one, taking directions from someone like Urameshi, what with him being a kid. I wouldn't have guessed they'd have been so obedient. But here they are, doing as he says. We're even called Team Urameshi.  
  
That great oaf makes me smile a one in a while. Even to the day, I don't know how he managed that sword that first time. Something tells me there's more to him than denseness. Maybe he'll turn out after all.  
  
Even those girls . . . they remind me so of myself sometimes. Keiko . . . now there's a girl with a lot on her plate. If you ask me, I couldn't imagine why she clings to him so. Urameshi is far from the romantic sort. And Yukina . . . such a sorrowful little face. Someday, she'll find her brother's secret. Perhaps it'll brighten her a bit. Shiruzu's a scrappy one. Very much like me when I was that age. Even Boton's found a little place in this old, rocky heart.  
  
Urameshi calls me 'grandma' sometimes when he's mad. It's 'sposed to be an insult, but I wonder if I haven't taken it to heart.  
  
Yeah . . . maybe I am grandma and all these just a pack of squabbley grandkids.  
  
And you know what they say . . . spare the rod . . .  
  
~Genkai  
  
~~~~~  
  
Sometimes the best things come first as mistakes. Hasn't taken me thousands of years not to figure that one out.  
  
Take Yusuke, for example. One guy, out of millions upon billions of people, one of the most unlikely people in the world to do it, runs out into the street to save a kid he doesn't know only to get killed himself. Things like that don't happen every century, you know.  
  
You know, before I met him, this job was actually sort of boring. I mean, what with being around ghosts and such all the time. It's rather nice for a chance to show my lighter side. Five thousand years without a change in routine can really get you in the dumps, y'know.  
  
Now take a look at him. Even after five thousand years, they never fail to amaze me.  
  
Believe it or not, I even think Kuwabara's getting to be a formidable figure. From the minute I met him, I thought for sure there was something below the surface just waiting to show itself. Sure, his fighting's far from Yusuke's, but at least he's got a heart, which is more than I can say for Yusuke. I don't know how Keiko puts up with it.  
  
Just the tough-boy façade, I guess.  
  
'Cause beneath all that, there really is something. He doesn't want to admit it, but he must really love her. Why else would Suzaku send the Makai insects after her? Why else would Hiei have kidnapped her to get at him? Why else was he so insistent that she not know about spirit world?  
  
Bingo! Amour, mon amie. Amour.  
  
And to be honest, she must feel the very same way.  
  
Such a joy, young love. With Keiko by his side, I can't help but think he can face whatever's in front of him, even death.  
  
And coming from the reaper, that's saying something . . .  
  
~Boton  
  
~~~~~  
  
Did you ever wonder if someone could change in an instant? That their whole life, everything that's important to them, could be turned upside down? That something so dramatic, so magical could touch them to the very core, and all of a sudden, the world's a whole different place?  
  
Believe it. I would know. I've lived it.  
  
It's hard to remember what I was like before all of this. I was a snobby little prep girl whose main concern was getting good grades and staying out of trouble. I never had to think of anything other than my own future.  
  
But then something happened that changed everything.  
  
You can't imagine those days when I thought he was gone. Try to imagine being trapped in a metal cell where no matter where you go, there is always guilt there, haunting you, hunting you, preying on your soul. And no matter what, you can't get away. Then multiply times about ten. Then you've got an idea.  
  
Then I had a dream . . . a beautiful dream.  
  
And sometimes it feels like I've never woken from the dream.  
  
There are lots of things I don't understand in this world. I don't understand why he has to be so brave, why he has to risk his life so recklessly. I don't understand why, of all people, it had to be the one I loved. I don't understand how he taps that incredible power within him to fight.  
  
There are times when I don't understand why he ever looked at me.  
  
But of all these things, there IS one thing I understand.  
  
And that is no matter what happens, I'm behind you 'til the end, Yusuke Urameshi.  
  
~Keiko  
  
~~~~~  
  
Once in a while, the thing you've been looking for is right in front of your nose. In a way, that's just how I am.  
  
Every since I was a kid, everyone always told I was destined for nothing. That I had no potential. And, sometimes, I don't know if I didn't agree with them. Kinda easy that way, y'know? Like no responsibility, no reason to try, no motivation.  
  
Oh, those last two mean the same, don't they? Oh well. Never was very good at grammar.  
  
Umm . . . I got kinda sidetracked, didn't I? Sorry. Yukina just walked by and . . . y'know, lost my thought. Annnnnnnnnyway . . .  
  
Funny guy, Urameshi. There was a time when I hated his guts, and at the very same time, I liked having him around. It even surprised me how mad I got at the wake. I didn't think I'd care.  
  
But I did care. For some reason or another, I cared about this guy, this guy who had kicked my ass so many times it was embarrassing.  
  
And you know what? I think I know why now.  
  
Through all of this, whenever I saw him out there giving it his all, and I saw that look in his eyes . . . like he was daring me. Like he was saying, "Hey, look here, if I can do it, why can't you?" And then, just to prove him wrong, I WOULD. I wasn't gonna let some guy half my size one-ups me!  
  
And then I started to realize something . . . that was how it had always been. Whenever he did something, I had to do better. Whenever he pushed it to the limit, I had to go further.  
  
Because of this little snot-nosed punk, I've found whole new reasons to be alive. Because of an average street thug, I found I had more in me. Who would have thought?  
  
Some people still say I'm going nowhere; that I'll never be more than what I already am. But y'know what? I don't care what they say.  
  
Now I've got a thing none of them can take away from me.  
  
Like I said, right in front of your nose . . .  
  
~Kuwabara  
  
~~~~~  
  
Any way you look at it, it's all just a game, don't ya know? All ya gotta do is keep a sense of humor . . . or, in my case, a sense of the absolutely absurd. Can't live under a roof with my brother without learning to accept that. Insanity reins free on our turf, boy.  
  
How else would I keep a straight face?  
  
Keiko's the fainter. I'm more of the apathetic-tough-gal type. Nothing fazes me . . . except for maybe the fact that for the last year or so, my little brother had been coming face to face with dangerous creatures I didn't even know exist and nearly got himself killed about a hundred times.  
  
But soon I got used to the idea. I got to admit it, it's pretty exciting. It's not everyday a girl gets to see a tournament with about a bazillion vicious, terrible demons that could tear 'em all apart for good in two seconds flat.  
  
Sometimes I wonder who I'm more worried for; the demon or the brother. Sure, those demons are pretty stupid, but I think he runs a close second. Either way, he can still kick their asses pretty good.  
  
But you know what? Believe it or not, I'm proud of the guy. And not like the kind of proud like pat-on-the-back proud, but the real kind. Because you know what? He's really starting to shape up. You never know. He may just make it.  
  
You know, from the beginning, they always said he wouldn't make it. But for all of what they said, I never believed them. There's more to him than they give credit for.  
  
Either way, it's been a real blast, all this business with risking life and limb for the good of man and the protecting the innocent. Maybe I oughta take it up.  
  
Aww, they're not so bad. Y'know, before all of this, I didn't really have much to say about my life. But now, after all this, I've enough memories to last a long time. Late nights up cracking jokes with Boton, being a shoulder for Keiko, still being able to beat Kuwabara at Atari . . . Genkai gives some pretty good advice. You're not around for seventy-odd years and don't learn anything.  
  
Y'know, people will come and go. Even friends come and go. But memories . . . that's something that sticks around forever.  
  
~Shiruzu  
  
~~~~~  
  
Nothing in this world is simple as it seems. I've found that myself.  
  
For such a long time, I was quite alone. I lost my mother when I was young. And alone, I was happy. In the winter world, there were animals and other apparitions, but there was no one I could really talk to. I spent my whole life there. I didn't even know anything else existed.  
  
And then, suddenly, the terrible cruelty of the world was revealed to me.  
  
I didn't know why I was captured. I never knew that the crystals that came from my tears were indeed some of the most expensive jewels in the world.  
  
Crying is not a thing I like doing. But I had to, or else they would hurt more of my friends. I still remember those poor birds . . . the most awful thing I've ever seen. And that poor boy . . . you can't even imagine how guilty I felt. Whenever I didn't cry, I was in the wells of guilt, pining my life away in that dark little room.  
  
I knew I was too dangerous to be around. And yet those little birds always came back to me, back to my window. I tried my best to make them leave. But they loved me, and I loved them, so they would not leave my side. How many hours did I sit there, wondering at their songs and wishing I too could fly away free? How many times did I wonder if anyone even missed me? How many times was I sure I wouldn't live another day? Still it went on, day after day, week after week. I thought I was doomed.  
  
And then one day I was saved by a group of strangers. But they wouldn't be strangers for long.  
  
Now, I have a new quest in front of me.  
  
I only discovered a short time ago that I wasn't as alone after all. Somewhere in this world, I have an older brother, and I am determined to find him at last. Finally, I won't have to be lonely anymore. But now that I think of it . . . I don't have to wait to find my brother to beat loneliness.  
  
These people . . . Boton, Shizuru, Hiei, Kuwabara, Genkai, Yusuke, Keiko, Kurama . . . all my new friends.  
  
Perhaps I can wait just a little longer. . .  
  
~Yukina  
  
THE END 


End file.
